ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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