note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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