if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found puke in my bra..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
