so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
