so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
