Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
