Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
time to smoke my breakfast
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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