i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
