Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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