Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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