He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think your dad took our porno
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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