Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
