A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
