I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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