9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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