I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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