She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
