Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
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WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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