Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
