Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
