thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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