i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
