wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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