I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
