I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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