Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
