Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
