What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Two words: blizzard sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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