just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
