we made out on top of his cat.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
