At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
