He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
