My room smells like vodka and shame
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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