After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
