cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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