He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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