Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
