So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
