I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
