i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
