Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
