The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
