so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
