That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
