Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
