you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
