You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude i'm inner monologue high
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
