So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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