No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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