Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
