Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
