You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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