Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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