If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize