That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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