Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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