We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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