My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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