I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
