he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
