Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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