his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
