There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
