I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
