Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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