I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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