sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
