Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
