i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
