She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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