When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
