Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
