I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
